Overwhelming. So many messages. So many how r u’s, so many sweet messages, so many what-are-you-looking-for’s. I feel guilty but I ignore the notifications for a few days. When I do log on I read a funny, engaging message. Of course, he ends up being insane. Talking to himself on Facebook insane. Telling me he’ll kill himself if I don’t respond insane. With only his 3 friends to bear witness.
I went on one date which took place on day 8. We’ll call him the Detached Singer. DS is cool, lead vocalist in a band, laid back, loves music and art, easy conversationalist. Today I text him and made it clear I want nothing more than friends because I was getting the vibe he wanted more. He didn’t like that too much.
T: “Why are you so nice to me. I don’t know why. I’m obviously not good with this flirting/dating thing. You okay if we continue to be friends? The dating thing is freaking me out which tells me I am not ready.”
DS: “Everyone deserves to be treated nicely. I’m that nice to everyone. I’ve heard that from every woman I’ve ever talked to whether from the start of a relationship or the latter…etc. Yeah that’s fine but excuse me if I detach myself for a while. Don’t worry, I’m used to this. I’ll talk to you sometime. Sorry to make you feel so out of place. I’m just not your regular guy I guess.”
I don’t like I’ve made someone feel this way. But detach away, friend.
I’m not a player I just crush a lot.
On day 14 I make out with a beautiful woman. She’s an amazing kisser. She tells me I’m gorgeous, sexy, and treats me as such. With her melodious words in my ear and copious amounts of wine I am malleable. I think I kissed a guy too. I just vaguely recalled that as I’m typing.
Day 16 (today)
I took my profile down from this free app. An enticing message pops up before I can hit that final button, dripping with hope and ridicule all at once. Apparently, rich men in this Midwestern hell are looking for women just like me to spoil and take care of. ME?? How could I even think I should quit this early!? My very own Rich Man! If I no longer update my blog you can assume I’ve been whisked away by some handsome, generous rich man. Or chopped up by him.
Hey, I lasted 16 days. A couple of my favorite messages before I conclude:
Smartaseinstein22; “I apologize in advance for being so blunt and forward but I do think you’re very sexy. Anyway…what would you think if you found out a guy’s size was almost big as his forearm? Be honest Like holy hell you’re insanely sexy”
Grammarprofessor; “On a (somewhat) unrelated note, where do we go from here? (delightfully strange young lady that I happened to encounter on the internet?)”
You know I LOVE that, “delightfully strange young lady”. Love it! I may use it on the next dating site.
And I shall never forget Psycho Sam. Who, by the way, messaged me under a different user name, telling me he’s sorry, he guesses he was intimidated by me and his confidence sucks, he thinks I’m a 10.
Fantastic, Psycho Sam. Fantastic.
So I leave the lonely cavern of online dating which teams with the calls of forlorn hearts. I’m sure the beckoning of unread mundane everyday questions will draw me back in. For now, I’m going to message this supremely hot guy and maybe explore this girl-thing a bit more.