Caution: Dating While Damaged

I haven’t been witness to romantic love enduring all things. I don’t know if I’m capable of fully loving a man ever again. Love requires trust.

Me, trust a man again? I’m more likely to eat a steak while wearing a fur coat.

Dating is an entity apart from love, trust, and all that sunshine crap. I’ve dated one guy since ED (aka Epic Douche) and that was a bit of a disaster. I enjoyed his (we shall call him S) company and we had fun. I started seeing S when I was waiting for my memoir to go live. I felt full disclosure would be the best policy since it would be out for public consumption any day. He read it when it went live and equated it to a bad break-up. Yeah, I knew he wouldn’t be the one, but again, we had fun.

S seemed to want to argue. I didn’t care enough to argue. He pushed for me meeting his kids, which I clearly and kindly stated my reasons why I was not ready for that, then he yelled at me he loved me, which took me by surprise.

Um, wait… How did he fall in love with me? I couldn’t fathom how such a thing happened. The end of this very, very short relationship resulted in the infamous wall going higher.

Even though I do not have an extensive dating history by any stretch of my warped mind, I get it…sorta. You meet for a drink to chat, if all goes well then you meet again for dinner, etcetera. What happens if we seem to be getting along? What happens when he asks about the scars? I watch as he runs away?

Add another brick.

It’s not as if the men are lining up –

(she writes as she yells for the last one to get out of her bedroom)   (<—complete farce)

There is a dating possibility but I have a feeling I will bail before the first drink.

I’m not lonely. I actually like my life now. I don’t sit around and pine for lost loves, cry over being alone, or fuck every man that comes my way.

Most of this is true.

I’m going to have to date if I want to fall in love. But do I want to fall in love again?

Mercurial at best. Yes, I want to be in love. No, I don’t want to take any of the steps to get there.

So, yeah, I might go on this date…

1377035651wupyy    -xo 3T

3 thoughts on “Caution: Dating While Damaged

  1. In case you were all breathless wondering, the date last Thursday with DBB (Dive Bar Barry), was completely meh. Meh; a very technical term for feelings of indifference, no chemistry, a general unappealing malaise.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “Yes, I want to be in love. No, I don’t want to take any of the steps to get there” took the words right out of my mouth. I just can’t handle dating or the risk involved in allowing yourself to fall for someone!

    Liked by 1 person

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